| Forever Struggling To Keep My Emotions Entirely Inside My Head |
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Yesterday I Forgot To Breathe
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| deary dear |
[08 Nov 2004|01:11am] |
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well i went out again at 11, and went to my sweet amys house. she is awesome, seriously. she made my nite, and made me wanna take back my comment on how girls suck. anyway, just thought id leave that little bit of knowledge, im off to sleep motha fuckas!!
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| been a long time since i rock and rolled... |
[07 Nov 2004|09:55pm] |
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mood |
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 enraged |
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music |
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juliet says die - lets go mercedes! |
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well jesus H christ its been a long time since ive updated this thing... well, lets see, my bands playing shows again, we had an awesome one last nite, and i thank everyone who was in attendance. works been the same, although getting easier everyday. girls... suck. thats about all thats been goin on in my life. maybe ill start updating more often, well see what happens
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| halla at ya boy!! |
[19 Aug 2004|12:35am] |
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mood |
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 ecstatic |
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music |
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haste the day - substance |
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so things lately have been going well. works been the typical work, band hasnt been doing much, but thats cuz 12e is out of town. but the best thing is, kevin is no longer single!!! yea, im stoked. so far everything is going well and lets hope things stay that way. i start school tomorrow though, that blows. fuckin a, i gotta work and then sit through a 4 hour class. well maybe itll be 4 hours, i dont know, but it should be aright. i own at autocad. oh yea, and the show tonite was fucking awesome!! we had a rad ass freestyle metal jam go on after the show, i played guitar and others jumped in on everything else. it was breakdowns galore, haha.well i just thought id fill in everyone and let people know that im not available anymore, so yall ladies who were thinkin about it, ya just gotta scratch me off your lists, sorry. hahahaha, im fucking full of myself, goodnite
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[12 Aug 2004|08:52pm] |
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mood |
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 dirty |
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music |
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coheed and cambria |
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so i got back from ohio teusday nite at 10 30, chilled with friends till about 3 in the morning. wed nite i sat at home almost all day, then at nite i went to see target doras last show with sean. bummer, but it was a good show, even though i was one of the only people dancing. i got a minor concussion too, cuz i got like kicked in my right ear hard as shit, and 10 mins later the vision in my left eye started getting all cloudy and i had no peripheral vision, plus some dizziness. it sucked. afterward, got a hold of sara, who i was supposed to hang out with but she had to work. went home, took a shower, called her back, she acted kinda weird because she was with her friends and in a good mood, but i couldnt get any straight answers out of anyone cuz the phone kept getting passed around. so i snapped on her, and i felt really bad and apologized like 5 mins later. my head stopped hurting, and me and cole went to lisas house way out in blackwater and shit. it was real chill, hangin out with krissy and christine and lisa and her brother addy. theyre all cool kids, i laughed my ass off almost all nite. didnt get home till 4 30, and i had to wake up for work at 6 30. luckily, work was actually quite nice. i did absolutely nothing in ohio, and it felt good to get up and move around and act like i have a purpose. after work, i came home, talked to a few people, ate spaghettios, and watched oceans eleven, which is a badass movie. word. if you took the time to read all of that, youre incredibly bored and kind. so thanks
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| sucked |
[03 Aug 2004|08:33pm] |
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mood |
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aggravated |
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music |
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pennywise - alien |
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so today was good up until i got ditched by some people i really wanted to hang out with. whatever. i got off work early, sat on my ass and missed warped tour, but i heard it sucked anyway, then i picked up amy and landon and went to get my amp, then to guitar center to goof around with this sweet ass sg, then to sushi. sushi was damn good, then went to animal jungle and freaked myself out lookin at these big ass tarantulas, then i took amy and landon to amys house, then called up some people. they were busy, so i went to the mall to chill until they called back. well like an hour later or something, i call them back to see whats going on, theyre going to eat, and are like "well call you when were finished" and i was just like whatever, dont worry about it, im going home. im in a bad mood, im tired, and i leave tomorrow nite for ohio. i hope work doesnt suck tomorrow.
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| awesome people |
[31 Jul 2004|03:48am] |
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so hangin out with trish, marie, and sara is the best shit ever. i laugh my ass off with all of them, could not find better people. thats all ive gotta say. oh, besides the announcement that im going to ohio in a week. so check yall later
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[27 Jul 2004|11:40pm] |
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mood |
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 creative |
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music |
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still remains |
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comeback kid fucking owned tonite! and then i had a talk on the phone with this cool chick sara, who calls me oscar. i met her that one nite at the beach with marie and trish. theyre all cool as shit. me and sara and marie are supposed to hang out tomorrow, from what sara said, so im stoked. anyway, other than that show and the as i lay dying/himsa/shadows fall show, and a couple awesome hangouts and movies with sarah clarke, not too much has been going on. i saw anchorman for the first time with sarah c, laughed my ass off at her and the movie. and then we saw a cinderella story, and i laughed my ass off at her, cuz shes fucking hilarious. i need to meet more people like her. then work is kinda... work. although with timmy frye on the job, its awesome cuz we joke everything all the time. he was at the show tonite too, threw down some mosh, it was sick. well im kinda motivated right now, so im gonna end this with something i feel like writing...
id fight for one chance
to hold on to something
i have only seen in my dreams
if a thousand ships can be launched
for just a face
then let the sun itself be doused
for your entirety
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[23 Jul 2004|12:09am] |
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mood |
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 depressed |
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music |
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atreyu - this flesh a tomb |
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my hope declines
with each fallen ember
a spark
that will never hit the fuse
this is the nite it ends
without the triumph
without the spoils
nothing but a shell of what
couldve been
the regret will light up my life
this fuse [to my heart] is lit
let it burn out and die
everyone knows what it means when i write fucking poetry...
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| jsd |
[19 Jul 2004|11:36pm] |
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mood |
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 drained |
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music |
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fordirelifesake |
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so my weekend was good. thursday nite i met those girls, friday nite i got decently saucy at the jewish mother, then went to ihop where vickys coworkers proceeded to talk shit about her. i agreed with what they said, which ended up causing a shit load of drama, which sucked, but we all worked it out, or at least me and vicky did. i hope thats the case with pete too. but anyway, saturday was pretty decent, hung out with my brother and saw anchorman again, which is like the funniest movie ever, seriously. then the drama happened, but it was solved after the movie. sunday was good... i hung out with tiffanie and kristen, then had band practice with juliet says die, and it went very well. weve got like half a song written, hopefully all goes well. well im signing off for now, good fucking nite!
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| eventful day... |
[15 Jul 2004|11:15pm] |
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mood |
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 accomplished |
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music |
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atreyu - you eclipsed by me |
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so today was actually good. work was aright, i got off early and took my "application for readmission" to tcc. hopefully ill get back in, seriously. after that i came home, slept a lot, then talked to kelly shaw online, she was goin to the beach, so i was gonna tag along with her and brittany. well i get there, and first thing i get stalked by these three girls, marie, sara, and trish. that was pretty rad. then after that i went and met up with kelly and britt, and they had a whole gang of girls with them.... stoked. we wandered around the beach, i goofed around, threw this floppy frisbee and hit this dude in the head, laughed my ass off at that. then kelly and britt bailed on me outta nowhere and went to subway, so i went with the rest of the girls back to this girl liz's house on 61st st. chilled there for like 5 mins, then everyone left. i got one of the girls phone number on the way home. stoked. so tonite was pretty damn good.
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| fuck depression |
[11 Jul 2004|11:55pm] |
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mood |
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melancholy |
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music |
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atreyu - the crimson |
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i havent updated in a while because nothing interesting has happened to me. work...wow, cool, not really. the reason im updating now is because i feel so shitty. thats the only point to this fucking thing. but on to the point at hand... im sick of being lonely. its been 6 months of being single for me, and i cant stand it. what sucks most is that there is absolutely no one for me. everyone i meet, theres something that keeps them from me. as much as id like to give up, i cant. i will always be drawn to them, no matter how fucked up they make my life. i hate this. why must i be so pathetic to let them get to me like this? why must the ones i want the most be flaunted in my face, just to be snatched away when i get too close? i say ones, because when i one gets snatched out of my face, naturally i move to another, only for the same thing to happen. its not a manwhore thing, if that were the case i wouldnt be complaining would i? fuck im pathetic, goodbye
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[05 Jul 2004|02:55am] |
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mood |
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rejected |
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music |
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atreyu - bleeding mascara |
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well, 4th of july. what a day. i hardly did anything. sat around with the brother all day, went to the mall, watched predator, predator 2, and alien, and went to my friend whitneys party. it was chill, uneventful, but chill. i have the day off tomorrow, i hope it goes well. fuck ive gotta clean my house tomorrow, cuz my brother and his wife trashed it, haha. fuck i need a gf
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[01 Jul 2004|10:11pm] |
show tonite. it was decent, mattys band was aright. threw some mosh around, it was cool. timmy frye is awesome. see yall later.
ps... i still need a gf, hahaha
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[30 Jun 2004|07:22pm] |
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aright... things at work are good again. still sucks though, cuz im stuck in crawls and in 180 degree attics. but oh well, im gettin paid. other than that... not to sound desperate, but id really like a girlfriend, ive been single too long. enough said.
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| the shittiest day ever... |
[23 Jun 2004|11:50pm] |
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mood |
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crappy |
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music |
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none |
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this entry is completely personal, and if you read it and decide you have something bad to say about it or myself, please keep it to yourself.
ok so i go in to work this morning, and i ask my foreman joe who im supposed to be working with today, and he says he doesnt know yet, but he needed to talk to me. so he tells me that i need to "pick up the pace" and work harder because ive gotten bad reviews and comments from some of the guys. and then he said if i dont pick it up, then he cant see putting me with anymore crews. i was beyond pissed and upset. i couldnt believe that someone would go to joe about that. i didnt even do anything. i couldnt understand how i was slacking off. i did whatever they told me to do, and i did it well. i couldnt believe it, i was half brought to tears in the shop, so i had to hide in the bathroom so no one would see me. all day it kept coming back in my head. i just kept replaying the words "betrayal" over and over in my head, cuz i know it was dave, who i thought was a friend of mine, who sold me out. the only thing i could think of that i couldve done to piss him off is ask a lot of questions cuz i wasnt sure what i was doing. thats a lack of experience, and not really my fault. i just feel like the whole world is against me right now. so im putting in my 2 weeks notice tomorrow morning and im gonna start looking for another job. im not gonna deal with a bunch of assholes who talk shit behind my back when we all work together. i just hope things go aright and i can get out of there without anymore problems. im just really upset cuz i felt like i was busting my ass to please joe and everyone else, but i either failed or everyones just impossible to please.
and id like to thank jenna for hangin out with me after work when no one else would. good to know i have one friend who will do that.
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| ... |
[22 Jun 2004|10:56pm] |
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mood |
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lonely |
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music |
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still remains |
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ive now been reduced to nothing. i quit my band, because the other members of it rejected everything i came up with cuz theyre too stuck on themselves. so i got sick of dealing with it. now to try and start a new one, one where well actually play shows for once. i hope itll work out this time, and i can find people who want to play the same shit i do. thatd be good. well i guess ill go back to being completely alone now.
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| simmons |
[18 Jun 2004|11:29pm] |
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this week included work and thats it. there was a show teusday, that was the highlight of the week, i ripped my pants. work was horrible. but whatever, i gotta deal with it. call me or something.
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| awesome day |
[11 Jun 2004|10:19pm] |
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mood |
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 horny |
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music |
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no idea |
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ok, so today just fucking ruled!! parents went out of town, i got to drive the lincoln to work. thats a sweet ass ride. then while at work, me and timmy had the connection going, and we rocked that tearout like it aint no thing! then lunch, laughed a lot, then me and dave went to do this condenser out in tallwood area. the homeowner was the coolest guy EVER!! i got a $5 tip and (a little something extra, lets just say detacixotni). then i got home, took a shower, saw stephanie online, and convinced her to go to a movie with me. saw day after tomorrow, it was decent. typs end of the world movie though. but i didnt go for the movie.... hahahaha. after that, chill time at my house, and i wasnt alone... this nite fucking rules!!!
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[09 Jun 2004|10:40pm] |
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mood |
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I FEEL LIKE SHIT |
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i havent been myself lately. im never in a good mood. fuck off. bye
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[07 Jun 2004|09:32pm] |
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mood |
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 envious |
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music |
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bane - can we start again |
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tonite i felt really lonely again. what a concept. so in my attempts to no longer feel lonely, im just gonna feed it. maybe by TRYING to be alone, will i actually overcome it. i dont know. i started writing poetry again. is this a sign of what lies ahead?
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